Wednesday, September 16, 2009

A New Phase in Stay-At-Home-Motherhood!

As I bent over to tie my well-worn running shoe after donning my dismally out-of-date running gear I took a second glance around me. I was waiting to hear the crying protests, the requests for food, games, tv, or a catastrophic crash signally a mom emergency I must rush to attend, instead I was met with silence!! Yes, pure, inaudible, unadulterated silence!! Though my children started school last week and my youngest has commenced her first year of school today was the first day in 9 years I've experienced without children {alright I husband and I did escape for one overnight trip during those 9 years and it isn't entirely true the day will be without kids since they will be home at 3:30 and they came home for lunch}. My husband is working, my children are at school and I am entirely alone!

This exciting development is almost unfathomable! I admit I was completely overwhelmed this morning with thoughts of how to spend this glorious day and now I am gazing at the clock having done very few of those planned activities and my day to myself is drawing to a close. I spent the morning lounging on the deck finishing the next book for review, after hurriedly stuffing my children with lunch and pushing them back out the door to return to school I decided it was time to finally make room for exercise beyond the helter-skelter pilates, and yoga video routines which are undoubtedly always being interrupted by a multitude of demands. I hitched the leash to our old lady Malamute, Aleutia, and off we flew down our back-country side road ready to transform ourselves from untoned lumps into stunning.....well--to be brutally honest--sweaty, breathless, limping, jello-legged, and pathetic, untoned and exhausted lumps. It was only our first attempt { I haven't jogged in several months and I haven't jogged regularly for years}. I am proud to say I actually made out better than my dog who had to practically be dragged home in the heat.

My world is certainly changing. I am still not sure what to make of this new chapter in my life. I have applied to substitute teach but with my youngest only attending school every other day, my husband's work schedule being crazy and unpredictable, and living out in the country working a regular job seems far too complicated. I would love to take courses or go back to school but the expense...and the thoughts of another student loan seem frightening and daunting. What will I do next? Where will my path lead from here? I don't think I am the only SAHM to ask these questions and to struggle with re-entering education or the workforce. After such a long stint at home so many fears are realized: Can I still do all the work I did before becoming a stay at home mom, or have my skills been dulled? Will employers even give me a second glance when they see the "gaps" in my resume? Am I still as confident as I once was? I am still struggling to answer these questions but in the meantime I think I will settle in to enjoy my last half hour of freedom for the day and prepare for the chaos when my three children walk through that door, school bags in hand, demands to be made, and stories to tell!

No comments:

Post a Comment